Women Don't Have Time To Think About The Roman Empire
Or, How A Viral Trend Demonstrates The Mental Load Women Endure
By now you're familiar with the trend-for-some-reason of women asking the men in their lives about how often they think about the Roman Empire.
Apparently, it's a lot.
Like, a lot, a lot.
And if it's not the Roman Empire, it's something else just as random, like 15th century Chinese weaponry.
The point is dudes have so much time to think about this stuff.
I asked my husband how much he thought about the Roman Empire and he said, “almost never,” but he is an outlier.
If men are daydreaming about the Colosseum and aqueducts, what random thing are women thinking about?
Romper posed this question on Instagram and the responses said everything.
Sure there was mention of true crime, the stylings of Beyoncé fans and the British Monarchy, but the majority of comments echoed a familiar sentiment.
Being a woman is hard, and the mental energy needed to exist as a woman doesn't leave much room for anything else.
(If men are obsessed with the Roman Empire, what do women think about all the time?)
As Instagram user mgcolangelo put it:
“Women don't have time to sit [and] ponder things like the Roman Empire bc we are doing the lion's share of the mental gymnastics to keep our children healthy, fed, clean, socialized and educated, on top of managing 80% or more of the household management while still making time for our own mental and physical health, jobs and side gigs.
The constant worry about personal safety was another common response.
“Which man I'd dangerous, if it's safe to go to that place I want to go, where is the toilet. And yeah, Titanic.
The comments further reflected a common lament among women:
We would love to find the time to learn about new things and explore other interests, but the mental load of work, running a household and just trying to hold everything together leads little space for much else.
As someone who parents two children and is trying to nurture a writing career, I know how crowded that mental space can be. And, any “free” space is easily filled with to-do lists, anxiety and guilt for not doing enough.
I have learned the value in protecting and creating that space. As an admitted “overthinker,” having a therapist help me visualize my mental overload enabled me to make the changes that allowed me to prioritize my interests.
She had me list all of my responsibilities and commitments, and, as she wrote them out on the whiteboard, I was amazed by the sheer volume of what I had taken on. I further noticed how many were unessential, and merely things I had picked up to occupy that space.
I took stock of my life and made some choices. Some meant disappointing others and possible hurt feelings. None were harmful.
I am more mindful of the mental space and acknowledge that reading a book or listening to podcasts are valuable ways to engage my time.
Sadly, a bigger societal shift will need to occur before women can ever stop thinking about our personal safety. No amount of mental exercise can change the real danger that exists. I will further acknowledge the mental burden of Black, disabled, economically disadvantaged and other women who have to deal with systemic issues beyond my comprehension.
To this, I hesitate to offer any advice, other than to say, we all deserve the freedom to engage with and explore new ideas and passions.