“Horrific, deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don’t say any naughty words!”
This is the line, said by Sheila Broflovski, also known as Kyle’s mom, in the movie South Park: Bigger, Longer, And Uncut, is maybe my favorite line from the film, and just such a fantastic quote in general.
Why?
Because it so perfectly captures the hypocrisy of pearl-clutching adults and what they deem is appropriate viewing material for their children.
I was still a teenager and childfree when the “South Park” movie came out in 1999, so I was unable to truly appreciate the parental perspective. However, even at the age of 16, I understood the film’s satire, and calling out of adults for their selective censorship.
Sex, romance, “inappropriate” language, makes grownups uncomfortable. We don’t want to have to explain to our kids about things like where babies come from, or why two adults may be in bed together on screen, or why “fuck” is not something you say in school. In many ways, we hope to avoid these things all together, and many of us succeed.
Still, sometimes, we aren’t prepared for what may be depicted in a “family” film.
When, I watched Turning Red with my family, I knew little about the film, except for the premise of the main character, a young girl, turning into a red panda. I did notice the film had a PG rating, but many family films do, and thought nothing of it.
Turning Red dealt with a lot of issues many of us grown women can relate to: a budding attraction to our peers, as well as older kid, the desire to establish our independence, and, as this movie brilliantly displays, the often humiliating and traumatizing experience of starting our menstrual journey.
When I watched the movie, I smiled, as I very much related to protagonist Mei’s experience. Her well-intentioned mom showing up with a box of pads at her school was a moment when I felt every person whose ever had a period collectively cringe with embarrassment.
The period-centered scenes also presented me with an opportunity to explain to my puzzled sons a bit about menstruation, and what I, and other girls, women and anyone with uterus experience monthly.
Though, it is not the easiest thing for me to talk about, and I avoided going into explicit detail, I felt my explanation was sufficient, and helped give my boys a better sense about what will happen to many of their peers in the near future.
I loved how the movie explored uncommon film subjects like puberty and sexual awakening. I think most great content aimed at children embraces these “uncomfortable” topics.
However, many parents disagree.
The outrage over Turning Red is palpable, with many parents fuming over the content and being forced to answer some awkward questions.
Some were shocked such topics as a 13-year-old having a crush, sneaking out, and possibly having her period were even in a Pixar film.
I wonder if — no, I know — many of these same parents so outraged by Turning Red even bat an eye at the excessive violence their kids encounter in every game of “Fortnite” they play, or in every “Marvel” movie they watch.
And, let me be clear, I am not here to shame parents over that. My kids play video games and watch movies and shows where people die. I try to limit what I believe is gratuitous and could cause them emotional harm, but I am not perfect.
However, the fact that many of kids’ peers, including, apparently, those of my SIX-YEAR-OLD child, are familiar with the popular Netflix series, Squid Game, says all you need to know about what parents feel is cool for their kids.
My youngest told me how a child on the bus with him said that Squid Game was just paint guns. When I heard that, I imagined the conversation that child may have had with their parents upon viewing, what I assume were some of the graphic scenes of the show. It’s very easy to explain away on-screen violence with lines like: “They’re just sleeping,” or “That’s not blood, it’s just paint.”
Of course, as any one mature enough to view Squid Game knows, (SPOILER), there’s a lot of death, gruesome violent death, and just the worst display of what humanity can be. It also happens to be a very brilliant series.
However, my kids, at least under my watch, will not be viewing it for a long time.
Now, I imagine some parents who take issue with Turning Red for its focus on puberty and teenage rebellion also take issue with violence in media, and are similarly outraged by other films marketed to children.
However, I don’t think the outcry is strong. Why? Because if the entire history of animated children’s films is fraught with violence and death.
In most Disney films, a parent is either dead before the story begins or dies during the movie. I am still gutted every time I see Simba hovering over Mufasa’s body desperately hoping he would be OK. And, even characters we despise are treated to gruesome ends (Disney seems to favor people falling off cliffs).
Even Disney’s most recent film Encanto deals with the death of the family patriarch, escaping violence, and intergenerational trauma. Perhaps this was why, like Turning Red, the movie was given a PG rating, yet I never see people taking to social media to complain about all the death in Disney movies.
Death is an important subject, and a tough one to discuss with kids. So is puberty, romance, and, yes, at a certain point, sex. I think movies are a great way to start conversations with our children, and many often explain things better than we can.
I think every parent needs to make media choices that best suit their families. What I deem OK for my kids may not work for you. However, I think, as a society, we need to ask ourselves why we feel some topics are dangerous for children, and what we might be sheltering them from.