When I was in my early 20s, my wisdom teeth were pulled out under a fog of “laughing gas.”
When the operation was done, and the high wore off, reality and pain set in.
I was prescribed Percodan, a once widely used painkiller that consisted of oycodone and aspirin.
My body rejected it immediately.
The pills made me sick.
I felt like I had to vomit. I think maybe I did? I can't recall.
What I do recall is wanting the Percodan out of my system.
So, I stopped taking it and switched to over-the-counter options, which meant I felt a little more pain but far less queasy.
It sucked, but I dealt with the pain.
Now, I should say, I had a lot of support from my mother during this time. She cared for me and enabled me to rest and recover.
It is easier to manage pain when it's all you have to worry about.
My wisdom teeth were removed before opioid addiction shook the United States. I knew a handful of people who dabbled in the occasional pill, but nothing like the devastation that would befall so many of our friends and loved ones.
Years later, when the news spoke of whole towns crushed by the opioid epidemic, and story after story came out of how addiction rendered once well-adjusted, successful, even happy individuals a complete wreck, I thought back on how maybe that could have been me.
What if the Percodan didn't upset my stomach? What if it just relieved the pain and made me feel good? What if I became an addict?
I like to think I have a high pain threshold, but everyone has their breaking point.
And, pain is awful.
This idea of pain and suffering and the possibility that it could be reduced or even eliminated is explored in the Mike Flanagan series, The Fall Of The House Of Usher.
The series, which draws inspiration from the works of Edgar Allen Poe, centers on Roderick Usher, the lord of a multi-billion-dollar pharmaceutical empire built on the success of one idea:
a world without pain.
How ironic.
Much like in reality, this promise of no pain in the form of a pill caused death, grief, anguish and heartache. And much like reality, the reckoning for Roderick Usher, and the company he grew on false promises, finally came.
Shortly after I finished the series, news broke of Matthew Perry's death. I didn't follow his life closely, but I was aware of his struggles with addiction and the impact of pain killers on his life. I understand there is nothing to suggest drugs or alcohol played a role in his death, and yet I can't help but think of the toll all those years of addiction took on his body.
It is a tragedy.
All of it is a tragedy.
The mass marketing of addictive pain relief.
The subsequent opioid addiction.
The broken families.
The death.
The struggle for retribution.
The pendulum swing in the opposite direction that has left some folks who genuinely need better solutions for pain management with little options.
It is awful.
My heart is with those grieving the loss of someone who struggled with addiction. It is an unbearable pain. A pain we all would soon rather not endure.
But, we can never fully rid ourselves of pain
Because, there is no such thing as a world without it.